Life moves. Sometimes you are ready, waiting for it to catch up to you as you race ahead, jumping from one thing to the next. Sometimes it catches you by surprise while you are watching the ants march in their little lines towards their future. Sometimes it happens when you expect it to, but it yanks you in a direction you were not expecting. And sometimes.. sometimes it just whisks around you and seems like it is pulling you under as it rushes about, doing things, and causing things, and you are just pulled and pushed along until you find something to grip on to, something that helps you break the surface and breathe.
Ive felt for awhile like Ive just been being pulled and pushed along the path of life. Like im moving forward (or maybe sideways) because of the current, because of events, because of whatever reason. But not because I made a choice. I think I may have lost myself, in the Life path of being a wife, being a mom, being a worker, being a caretaker of others. And those are wonderful and great things... but I am re-figuring ME out.
Give me the forest and let me wander without a clear destination. Give me a night filled with stars and breezes without the clutter of crowds and noise. Give me a grassy bank to sit on and watch the river rush by. Give me true laughter. Laughter that comes from so far inside that its uncontrollable, and uncontrolled. Let it roll out until it comes to an end on its own. There need not be a reason, this laughter just happens. It isn't mean, it isn't fake. It just is. It is true joy, joy because. Because you are alive, because the river flows, because Life Is.
I will never be the person I was. But I strive to be the person I am.